I’ve always had a passion for writing.
As a child, I had a plethora of journals and notebooks filled from cover to cover. Granted, the writing I did at 6 years old was barely anything substantial, and trying to even read the truly awful writing is a struggle (but hey, I’ll give 6-year-old Emrys a break, because well, he was 6).
So what happens when your passion, your essence, the purpose you see yourself having in life, makes your stomach turn at the thought of picking up a pencil or staring at an empty Word Document?
That’s the problem I started to face.
Many people see my generation, Gen Z, as “whiny”, which is choice diction in itself. I never really understood that narrative, because as a Gen Z, in my experience of “life”, I’ve felt that my voice primarily has been nothing but stifled. I’ve only recently stepped into my own empowerment, finally voicing my own needs and wants. I don’t see the concerns being raised as whiny by any standard, and I think that if anything, the narrative should reflect the challenging and empowering nature of knowing your worth, and asking for better for not only ourselves but the world around us.
But I digress.
The point of that? I felt that through my burnout, I was forced to suffer in silence, and in my suppressed anguish, I fell deeper and deeper. Through the depths of my frustration, my exhaustion, my anger, I could barely look at my screen, my Slack messages, my e-mails without wanting to submerge my laptop in the nearest lake.
When you’re intrinsically taught to sit in silence, to suppress your needs, your wants, and your thoughts, it takes its toll.
So what did I do about it? What was my breaking point?
Well, if I’m being candid, it has yet to really happen. But I made a choice. I made the conscious decision that for my first step to recovering from my burnout (and if I’m being honest, I’ve been burnt out for YEARS), I’m going to talk about it. I’m going to make myself a priority again.
I have this huge opportunity ahead of me in furthering my education, yes, but also in acquiring this life-altering experience of uprooting my life to Ireland for a whole year.
And I don’t want to spend that year hating my life, hating myself, hating the one consistent thing that has helped me through all the hardships and traumas throughout my life.
I want to fall in love with writing again. And I’m committed to rekindling that bond.
I’m committed to finding joy again.
– Emrys DeSousa